An open letter to an old friend.

An open letter to an old friend.


12 days without contacting you will be an exercise in self control


The reasoning behind this decision:


The truth of the matter is that when you were alone, I felt you genuinely wanted me to be around. I knew then the emotional danger I was getting myself into, but I told myself that I was stronger now, that I learned my lessons. Although lines had never been crossed this time around, that sense of purpose was there.  I felt like I was giving of myself selflessly and time would tell.  Well, time has told. Once again I am faced with the unavoidable fact that there is an imbalance in our "friendship", but you specifically told me you wouldn't disappear when things get better.  You specifically told me you were giving this new relationship a try because you "don't want to be alone".  Then, you told me you needed space.  So, by reason of association, I fall below a rebound relationship that you don't even love as much as your ex.  A comment I read even shows that you resent the fact that I had feelings for you.  You're repeating the same problems that you don't even see (emotional lability, lack of empathy, extremely controlling, externalizing your own flirtatiousness, promiscuity and infidelity onto him) in your new relationship.  You still place new interaction with new people above established relationships.  Every rational conclusion ultimately leads to the fact that these feelings are one way and damaging.


Things I could have done better:



I have enhanced the destructiveness of this status quo by not practicing emotional restraint.  You were at least honest about not interested in pursuing anything intimate.  I'm consumed with the thought of you, and cave into weakness with every text message sent.I need to reclaim control of my life in every aspect, not just emotional ones. Because of the intensity of feelings I had for you, some of which I harbor to this very day, I'm hypersensitive to the way you treat me, or avoid me.


Why this has to be done, now:



I've been keeping my weekends open for some time now.  The fact that i'm back in the same old rut, with no real provocation on your part, is unhealthy for me.   Interaction needs to be reciprocal in order to be healthy.  Too many times, calls aren't returned, and I'm kept at arm's length.  With any other person, I'd have the ability to disengage from the situation with little emotional pain.  I have failed in the past to let go because you once provided so much purpose and meaning in my life.  In time, I will learn to dismiss the one truth I've lived by, which is that we were meant to be together.   I was tossed aside on September 10th, 2001, and it's now time to heal.  A lost decade without passion is a precious gift wasted.  This time however, I have to realize that it is my own responsibility to forgive, forget and move on.   I shouldn't sabotage future possibilities with others because of fears of repeating past pains caused by loving you.



Those who fail to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.