Reflections, or how one can lose faith in everything...

The saddest moments aren't immediately after a sudden loss, the natural shock reaction suspends some of the immediate pain.   What is the saddest is when you can tell that the hollywood moment was a lie, that the last act last minute romance in the rom-com never happens, that the years dull the sharpness of the pain but not the void that was carved out by it.   That's why my favorite movie is the hours.... "but what about after the party.. and the hours after that..." or the life not lived in Grey Gardens.   At this point, I'm not sad over the life I'm not living - everyone I know has fallen into the role society has given them.  But it's false comfort to know that they aren't really happy either, maybe a little, maybe not.  The deepest regrets are after the loss of faith.  When you've lost faith in reality, so jaded to never open your heart again, then that is the real cost, the real pain.  When you dare not dream again, that is the real loss.