Not cold, just woken up but by the wrong guy that was supposed to be the right one in another era.

When a situation is near hopeless but also near permanent, is it a good thing or a bad thing?

1.) Our friendship is so 2000. It's 2010. I thought I was past that, I thought I would give a strange look and say "oh, well, I'm sorry about everything and I hope things work out for you", I thought I stopped caring.

corollary: I stopped caring not because I stopped caring, I stopped feeling like I had the emotional capacity to care about anyone. I told myself I was a rock, and after a couple years I believed it, and even destroyed other opportunities for emotional intimacy, and convinced me my casual lifestyle would suffice, and that I was better spared the ups and downs of unrequited or ambivalent strands of love.

2.) I'm both happy that I'm no longer damaged beyond all repair, and upset that I've reopened old emotional wounds, but with better emotional control. It's a comfort zone because my deepest darkest secret is known by him. By his own words, "I know you Cameron, I can read you like a book". However, I have no boundaries when it comes to him - which isn't right, it isn't healthy, and it scares him and is pure turmoil for me. But the damage had been done, there was no turning it around. I got the resentment out in one night for which I paid a high price and succeeded in scaring him away too much.

3.) 2 scorpion bowls, 3 hours and 4 hugs changed everything. It set back 4 years of progress yet settled 4 years of wonder and guilt and misery. I guess I'm looking for the right way to ask, "where do we go from here" while understanding i'm just a relic from the past.

p.s., he's the one I posted the lyrics to Wonderwall over six months ago. That was the only subconscious expression I allowed myself.